Coming Out of the Deep On My Knees
You may have been wondering where I’ve been these last few months. Well, I'm coming out of the deep. As I told a friend the other day, I’ve been living out a hard-luck-country-uplifting-gospel song.
You know the ones where your new house is so damaged from the October 20, 2019 tornado that ripped through Dallas and you have to move out for 6 months. Giving prayers of thanks that no one was hurt or worse in the storm.
While packing up to move you have several unbelievably good interviews on television, a couple of podcasts and a magazine – all related to your new book “Leave a Legacy That Counts”. You move back into your old house. The one that has been on the market since July, and hasn’t sold no matter how much you pray for God to send some new owners for it. (Papa, can you hear me?) Now, you know that you are the “new” (returning) owners. Prayers answered – just certainly not as expected.
You settle into your old home with your husband of 34 years and beloved schnauzer of 11 years. You’re not happy to be so far away from your new damaged home, but you are grateful to be somewhere familiar. Then your dog decides to see what changed in the old neighborhood since she left it and trots out of the gate alone. Gets herself killed, leaving you with grief so thick you can hardly breathe some days. On your knees again. This time praying that you find peace and comfort as your broken heart mends.
In the meantime, your financial advisors at a national bank recommend you to be highlighted in a video for their website and in their corporate magazine. You are honored and agree to the production. You get onsite and realize that this is really big deal and wonder if you’ve prepared for it. They bring in an awesome makeup artist, film and camera crew and you have the time of your life - particularly given the most recent life you’ve been living. Grateful to be celebrated for just being you. Prayers of thanksgiving sent for the young men who recommended you. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Just as you think things are about to settle down, you get a call that your brother needs open heart surgery. On your knees again and asking all your friends to get on theirs, too. Claiming great results and full recovery for your brother. Amen.
Doesn’t all that sound just like a country western song to you? I swear I have had more ups and downs in the last 60 days than I’ve had in years. And guess what – all of that was just my drama. I won’t even mention the rest of the drama family members brought me to resolve or advise them on. Lord, they keep me on my knees!
This song ends with a gospel-inspired message of hope. I have been carrying a heavy load of trauma, grief and stress for days, but God is still on the throne. I keep smiling because He makes a way when there is none. I keep smiling because He carries me when I can’t carry myself. I keep smiling because He gives respite even if just enough for me to keep moving forward today.
And I refuse to ask, “Why me, Lord?” I just ask that you keep your promise and never leave me on my own. I am grateful. I am coming out of the deep on my knees.